In The Beginning

When I grew up, I didn't have the talks about boys, or relationships, or partnerships that some girls have with their mothers. We just weren't close in that way. I didn't grow up dating nor did I have the experience in relationships that some girls should have (in my opinion -another blog post for another time!) before deciding to get married or settle down with a partner. 

You see, I married my very first boyfriend. 

I didn't really know what a relationship should be, what it should feel like, or what it should look like. I knew that you were supposed to be friends, and that is actually all we turned out to be, the very best of friends. Seeing our friends interact with one another, how they looked at each other, how they touched each other, just felt a bit foreign to me, but I didn't really know why. 

What I did know though, was we got along great!       

But just as friends. We went to house parties together, drank together, worked out together, and went on Sunday drives together, but that was about all we did together. Looking back now I see all the signs that there was never a romantic aspect present as it should be in a partnership between two people. If I'm being honest, which I always am, I think that my heart felt it at the time, but my mind didn't want to believe it.  And how scary that can be.